Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

THE 7TH STAGE OF RELATIONSHIP IS SINGING YOUR OWN SONG


The 7th stage of relationship is singing your own authentic song from a place of celebration and service and in so doing we begin to realize that we are part of something infinitely larger than ourselves ~ a loving plan in action. Our whole life is apparently a quest to find our own true song and only through love can we find it for love not only totalizes human energy but also individualizes it within a constantly evolving loving plan in action ~ which is also God: Allen L Roland, Ph.D  
 
It was Teilhard de Chardin who wrote "Considered in its full biological reality, love ~ that is to say, the affinity of being with being ~ is not peculiar to man. It is a general property of all life and as such it embraces, in its variety of degrees, all the forms successively adopted by organized matter."
 
Teilhard also correctly wrote " If there were no real propensity to unite, even at a prodigiously rudimentary level, indeed, in the molecule itself, it would be physically impossible for love to appear higher up in the human form"
 
Teilhard defined this innate urge to unite as an energy force in his famous Law of Complexity-Consciousness. The Law states two principles:
 
1. Throughout all time there has been an evolutionary tendency for all matter to unite and become increasingly complex in nature.
 
2. With each increase in material complexity, there is a related rise in the consciousness of matter and an even greater urge to unite. ( my bolded emphasis )
 
Teilhard divided this fundamental energy into two distinct components ~ a Tangential energy which linked the element with all others of the same order and a Radial energy which represented the innate urge toward union and greater complexity as well as a leap in consciousness.
 
It is this Radial energy in matter, this deep urge towards union and completion, which eventually manifests itself as LOVE.
As such, Teilhard's Radial energy is one in the same with what I call a state of Soul Consciousness and The Unified Field. A state of love and soul consciousness that exists not only beyond time and space but also deepest within ourselves ~ and whose principle property is the universal urge to unite.
If we compare this with Darwin's evolutionary theory, Darwin's only error was to substitute matter for spirit as the motivating force of the Universe.
 
For it becomes increasingly clear, in light of this innate urge to unite, that man is the product of an evolution of love. From the pre-atomic stage in the depths of the primordial sea to his present ' humanized ' state ~ man is the product of a seemingly endless evolution within a loving plan of plurality, union and a resultant energy transformation into something more complex, more conscious and more loving.
 
Only the individual and collective state of ego consciousness (the need to control and dominate others) stands in the way of the awareness of not only a loving plan in action but each one of our parts in that loving plan.
And for each one of us to play our part in this loving plan in action, which is also God ~ we must first surrender to love.
 
That's what my life quest clearly has been ~ to embrace a child within myself who clearly knew this truth and eventually, through opening my heart in relationship, not only find that lost child within myself but give him a voice, sing his song and realize at the same time that I'm part of something far greater than myself.
 
Every key love relationship in my life has played its part in helping me reach a place where I can finally fully live and share the truth of my Unified Field ~ The basic underlying and uniting force of the universe is a psychic energy field of love and soul consciousness ( the Unified Field ) which lies not only beyond time and space but also beneath our deepest fears and whose principle property is the universal urge to unite.
 
My work as a heart centered counselor with my clients concentrates on touching that lost child within themselves; helping them see their life as a quest as well as take accountability for their lives and the decisions they made to survive; and finally to empower that lost child to overcome their fears and sing their song.

There are seven stages of relationships and very few get beyond stage six which is ~
6. DOUBT, FEAR AND/OR JEALOUSY, ANGER AND RESENTMENT ” You’re going to hurt me or betray me like others have
This is where Stendhal ended his six stages of love for this is the stage where most, if not all, emotional relationships end with mutual anger, resentment or fear submerging all traces of the original love. What we do not realize in this stage is that these feelings are often associated with earlier childhood or relationship hurts we felt with loved ones and we are face to face with the decisions we made at that time to repress and deny our deepest feelings ~ because there was seemingly no-one there for us. We can either run, as most people do, or go inside and go through these fears by not denying the love, taking accountability for these feelings and stop being a victim! You cannot escape stage six until you are willing to go inside, take total accountability for your actions and feelings and stop denying love. This takes great courage but the payoff is immense! Resentment doesn’t heal! Anger doesn’t heal! Only love truly heals!
 
It takes great courage to reach Roland's seventh Stage of Relationship ~
 
7. ROLAND’S SECOND CRYSTALLIZATION ” I feel the beauty and perfection within myself and I’m sharing it with you and the world ”
This Stage cannot be accomplished unless we realize that our ultimate quest in life is to fully experience our authentic self and our connection to our original state of soul consciousness as well as our innate connection with source.
  IT’S A PLACE OF INNER VALIDATION VERSUS THE NEED FOR OUTER VALIDATION !

The path to the soul is always through doors of fear and most of those fears appear in relationship. You don’t realize those fears are illusions until you stop denying love and go through them. Only then can you truly claim the greatest gift ~ yourself.
Only then can you become a fragment of life’s heart and transcend time and space in the process ~ for the hearts’ desire is to love so deeply that we become one with a Unified Field of love and soul consciousness as well as claim our part in an evolving loving plan and always from a place of inner celebration and delight.
 
Each relationship is a step in that process of eventually returning to source and only by fully opening your heart and learning to consciously unconditionally love can you begin or accelerate that journey to truly find yourself.
 
The ultimate relationship, as such, is a spiritual relationship where both partners are on a common path, one through the other, to find and celebrate who they really are ~ using the love that exists between them as the vehicle.
 
Marina's story is the perfect example of how we all have the capability of healing ourselves if we have the courage to face our fears and open our heart through gratitude and forgiveness.
 

Read Marina's Story 
http://www.veteranstoday.com/2014/04/30/marinas-story/





/


 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Marina and her husband Steven live in Ireland and read my Book Radical Therapy / Surrender to love and heal yourself in seven sessions, not seven years . This is the Amazon Kindle book link: http://www.amazon.com/Radical-Therapy-Surrender-Yourself-Sessions-ebook/dp/B00JGE5VQE/

In an act of service, Marina then volunteered to do the seven sessions on YouTube including an eighth session with her husband Steven which you can access by going to YouTube and then Allen Roland / Radical Therapy. Here is session eight with Marina and Steven who are about to enter the seventh stage of relationship.


 
 
 
 
 
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ys6DgWvofHQ
 

Because of my service related disability of asbestosis from serving as a Naval Aviator on the USS Ranger in the far east in the early 1960's ~ I am no longer in active private practice but instead, I am utilizing my PhD in spiritual psychology and continue to be in service as a spiritual consultant or mentor for counselors or anyone who has read my book, watched Marina's counseling sessions on YouTube and wish not only to sing their own song ~ but also to find their part in a slowly evolving loving plan.

We are put on Earth a little space to bear the beams of love: William Blake
 
Allen L Roland
http://allenlrolandsweblog.blogspot.com/2014/05/the-7th-stage-of-relationship-is.html
 


Freelance Alternative Press Online columnist and heart centered spiritual counselor Allen L Roland is available for comments, interviews, speaking engagements and private Skype consultations at allen@allenroland.com
 
Allen L Roland is also a lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his web log and website allenroland.com He also guest hosts a monthly national radio show TRUTHTALK on www.conscioustalk.net
 
 

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

THE FOUR LEVELS OF RELATIONSHIP


Union, the true upward union in the spirit, ends by establishing the elements it dominates in their own perfection: Teilhard de Chardin

True relationship is a dance of intimacy ( a means to an end versus an end in itself ) where both partners continually take hold and let go ~ leading eventually to true SELF, inner joy and validation and the courage and freedom to fully express and sing one's own true song .

As such, the true intent of relationship is the full flowering of each partner. Thus, relationship must be seen as a journey towards self discovery and the path is always through doors of fear.

Authentic relationship begins when both partners realize that their quest will be fulfilled not in any “perfect relationship, " but only when they reunite with their authentic self, which is usually still trapped within a self-imposed prison of childhood fears.

Since 50 % of all marriages end in divorce ~ perhaps we need another look at relationships and why they are indeed the true test of who we are.

As such, I will now describe the four (colored coded) levels of relationships we tend to set up in our quest to find ourselves.


1. " GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS " RELATIONSHIPS

Partners are joined by common fears and are usually

completely dependent on each other.

There is little if any passion, few risks are taken and no

real growth occurs.

Both partners have settled for less than all of themselves ~ but at the cost of growth and passion.

They tend to see themselves as victims and usually are spectators or observers in life.

It is a dry creek bed waiting for the spring rain.

COLOR IT GREY


2. " SAFE LOVE " RELATIONSHIPS

The ego is still in control and both partners have common issues such as unworthiness, fear of love and intimacy, fear of rejection, abandonment, aloneness , etc

These tend to be intense and short lived relationships as both partners vainly try to fill the others emotional void ~ when, in reality, they are avoiding their own emotional void. Mission impossible one and two.

As such, they are externally directed relationships.

They, in essence, eventually become enclosed in a common cocoon (a cocoon for two) where love tends to contract versus expand and mutual resentment soon replaces love.

You can be relatively happy in a “safe love " relationship ( compared to a " Going through the motions " relationship ) but joy is elusive because little, if any, growth occurs ~ as both partners will not give up control and refuse to surrender.

The dry creek bed has become a stream

COLOR IT PASTEL


3. ' SOUL MATE ' OR " GREAT LOVE " RELATIONSHIPS

Soul mates and great loves come into our life when we are ready to find and fulfill our part in the loving plan.

Great love relationships are internally directed and prepare us for the transition from ego consciousness to soul consciousness.

The ultimate aim of such a relationship is for both partners to fully emerge from their cocoons of fear and become their truest self.

This is the love that Teilhard de Chardin refers to when he wrote; The only right love is between couples whose passion leads them both, one through the other, to a higher possession of themselves.

There is little room here for the Ego's need to protect and control for a great love confronts us with our deepest feelings and fears ~ and demands that we SURRENDER!

It requires us to grow beyond our fear to the place where we can both emotionally and unconditionally love our partner.

It is a love that can both take hold and let go ~ for it is beyond emotional dependency.

There is tremendous joy and delight in soul mate relationships because there is no greater joy than going (and growing) through our fears and discovering our true self.

This love is not for the faint of heart for, indeed, many who briefly experience this fire will quickly run for cover ~ not realizing that they are actually running away from what is deepest within them.

Like the moth to the flame ~ once you have willingly burned in the fire of a great love ~ you will accept nothing less.

You will then realize that you are the fire

You are now in the river of life

COLOR IT VIBRANT PRIMARY COLORS


4. " PERFECTED LOVE " RELATIONSHIPS

A perfected love relationship is seldom achieved because it demands total vulnerability and mutual surrender to love.

A perfected love is a love that transcends time and space wherein all past life and present love connections are completed.

It is a pure love devoid of fear with ecstasy and bliss its obvious symptoms.

The vibration of this inner connection is so intense that it effects all who witness or come in contact with it.

In perfected love relationships both partners become a tool to be used in a universal loving plan.

Both partners have now been dominated in their own perfection and all fear has been erased in the process. The predominant feeling is mutual celebration and service.

As such, you have transcended time and space and are one with source.

You are now a fragment of life's heart

COLOR IT A SPIRITUAL PURPLE


Allen L Roland

http://allenlrolandsweblog.blogspot.com/2011/07/four-levels-of-relationship.html


Freelance Alternative Press Online columnist and psychotherapist Allen L Roland is available for comments, interviews, speaking engagements and private consultations ( allen@allenroland.com )

Allen L Roland is a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his weblog and website allenroland.com He also guest hosts a monthly national radio show TRUTHTALK on www.conscioustalk.net

Thursday, April 21, 2011

THE SEVEN STAGES OF RELATIONSHIP / FEW GET BEYOND STAGE SIX



Relationship is a means to an end versus an end in itself. The true purpose of relationship is the full flowering of each partner but only those who conquer fear reach the seventh stage of relationship : Allen L Roland

Most people are afraid of love because they are afraid of their deepest joy, delight and inner freedom and are trapped by a fear of deep vulnerability and intimacy.

In relationship, we must reach a place where being honest and being true to yourself is more important than the survival of the relationship! Let me illustrate this using Stendhal's and Roland's seven stages of a love relationship :

1. ADMIRATION " I really admire you as a person "

2. BEGINNING OF DESIRE “I think I'd like to get to know you better."

3. HOPE " I hope you feel the same way about me "

4. INCEPTION OF LOVE " I think I'm falling in love with you "

5. FIRST CRYSTALLIZATION " I see the beauty and perfection within you "

6. DOUBT, FEAR AND/OR JEALOUSY, ANGER AND RESENTMENT " You're going to hurt me or betray me like others have "

This is where Stendhal ended his six stages of love for it is the stage where most, if not all, emotional relationships end with mutual anger, resentment or fear submerging all traces of the original love. What we do not realize in this stage is that these feelings are often associated with earlier childhood or relationship hurts we felt with loved ones and we are face to face with the decisions we made at that time to repress and deny our deepest feelings ~ because there was seemingly no-one there for us. We can either run, as most people do, or go inside and go through these fears by not denying the love, taking accountability for these feelings and stop being a victim! You cannot escape stage six until you are willing to go inside, take total accountability for your actions and feelings and stop denying love. This takes great courage but the payoff is immense! Resentment doesn't heal! Anger doesn't heal! Only love truly heals!

7. ROLAND'S SECOND CRYSTALLIZATION " I feel the beauty and perfection within myself and I'm sharing it with you and the world "

This Stage cannot be accomplished unless we realize our ultimate quest in life is to fully experience our authentic self and our connection to our original state of soul consciousness and an innate connection with the world.

IT’S A PLACE OF INNER VERSUS OUTER VALIDATION !

"Until I let go I cannot grow ", "Great love can both take hold and let go." When you let go in relationship, you do not let go of the love. To let go with love you must, in essence, consciously love your partner. Your self respect will be your guide. You must reach the place where you can say that it’s more important that I love myself than you loving me. Conscious love (non-possessive, non-dependent and unconditional love) is rarely obtained between humans. The conscious love motive, in its most developed state, is the wish that the object should arrive at its own innate perfection ~ regardless of the consequences to the lover or partner. It is total unconditional love and when we come from this place we are embracing our deepest spiritual essence and a state of soul consciousness within ourselves. The paradox of this attitude is that such love always invokes eventually a similar attitude in its objects because we all seek, at the deepest level, to be unconditionally loved. As such, when we allow love to be our guiding intention through our thoughts and feelings and learn to trust unconditional love ~ we begin to see through clearer eyes and all things come into perfect balance and harmony,

Jesus consciously or unconditionally loved and the reason we have never forgotten him is because that same capacity to consciously love and be loved lies deepest within each one of us ~ but many of us have looked outside and externalized it versus gone inside and internalized it as I do with my clients as a heart centered psychotherapist.

The path to the soul is always through doors of fear and most of those fears appear in relationship. You don't realize those fears are illusions until you stop denying love and go through them. Only then can you truly claim the greatest gift ~ yourself.

Only then can you become a fragment of life's heart and transcend time and space in the process ~ for the hearts' desire is to love so deeply that we become one with a Unified Field of love and soul consciousness as well as claim our part in an evolving loving plan and always from a place of inner celebration and delight.

Allen L Roland

http://allenlrolandsweblog.blogspot.com/2011/04/seven-stages-of-relationship-few-get.html


Freelance Alternative Press Online columnist and psychotherapist Allen L Roland is available for comments, interviews, speaking engagements and private consultations ( allen@allenroland.com )

Allen L Roland is a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his web log and website allenroland.com He also guest hosts a monthly national radio show TRUTHTALK on www.conscioustalk.net

Saturday, April 24, 2010

The Seven Stages Of Relationship / Few Get Beyond Stage Six

THE SEVEN STAGES OF RELATIONSHIP / FEW GET BEYOND STAGE SIX

Relationship is a means to an end versus an end in itself. The true purpose of relationship is the full flowering of each partner but only those who conquer fear reach the seventh stage of fulfilled love : Allen L Roland

Most people are afraid of love because they are afraid of their own deepest joy, delight and inner freedom.

In relationship, we must reach a place where being honest and being true to yourself is more important than the survival of the relationship ! Let me illustrate this using Stendhal's and Roland's seven stages of a love relationship :

1. ADMIRATION " I really admire you as a person "

2. BEGINNING OF DESIRE " I think I'd like to get to know you better."

3. HOPE " I hope you feel the same way about me "

4. INCEPTION OF LOVE " I think I'm falling in love with you "

5. FIRST CRYSTALLIZATION " I see the beauty and perfection within you "

6. DOUBT, FEAR AND/OR JEALOUSY, ANGER AND RESENTMENT " You're going to hurt me or betray me like others have "

This is where Stendhal ended his six stages of love for it is the stage where most, if not all, emotional relationships end with mutual anger, resentment or fear submerging all traces of the original love. What we do not realize in this stage is that these feelings are often associated with earlier childhood or relationship hurts we felt with loved ones and we are face to face with the decisions we made at that time to repress and deny our deepest feelings ~ because there was seemingly no-one there for us. We can either run, as most people do, or go inside and go through these fears by not denying the love, taking accountability for these feelings and stop being a victim ! You cannot escape stage six until you are willing to go inside, take total accountability for your actions and feelings and stop denying love.This takes great courage but the payoff is immense ! Resentment doesn't heal ! Anger doesn't heal ! Only love truly heals !

7. ROLAND'S SECOND CRYSTALLIZATION " I feel the beauty and perfection within myself and I'm sharing it with my partner and the world "

This Stage cannot be accomplished unless we realize our ultimate quest in life is to fully experience our authentic self and our connection to our original state of soul consciousness. IT IS A PLACE OF INNER VALIDATION VERSUS OUTER VALIDATION ! " Until I let go I cannot grow ", "Great love can both take hold and let go." When you let go in relationship, you do not let go of the love ~ you let go of your outer dependency for love. To let go with love you must, in essence, consciously love your partner by allowing them to follow their path, regardless of the risk to your relationship. Conscious love ( non-possessive, non-dependent and unconditional love ) is rarely obtained between humans. The conscious love motive, in its most developed state, is the wish that the object should arrive at its own innate perfection ~ regardless of the consequences to the lover or partner. It is total unconditional love and when we come from this place we are embracing our deepest spiritual essence and a state of soul consciousness within ourselves. The paradox of this attitude is that such love always evokes eventually a similar attitude in its objects because we all seek, at the deepest level, to be unconditionally loved. As such, when we allow love to be our guiding intention through our thoughts and feelings and learn to trust unconditional love ~ we begin to see through clearer eyes and all things come into perfect balance and harmony

The path to the soul is always through doors of fear and most of those fears appear in relationship. You don't realize those fears are illusions until you stop denying love and go through them. Only then can you truly claim the greatest gift ~ yourself.

Only then can you become a fragment of life's heart and transcend time and space in the process ~ for the hearts' desire is to love so deeply that we become one with a Unified Field of love, joy and soul consciousness.

Allen L Roland

http://allenlrolandsweblog.blogspot.com/2010/04/seven-stages-of-relationship-few-get.html

Freelance Alternative Press Online columnist and psychotherapist Allen L Roland is available for comments, interviews, speaking engagements and private consultations ( allen@allenroland.com )

Allen L Roland is a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his web log and website allenroland.com He also guest hosts a monthly national radio show TRUTHTALK on www.conscioustalk.net

ONLY THE TRUTH IS REVOLUTIONARY