Those who we love deeply become part of us forever for they live in our hearts ~ as my Mother most certainly still lives in mine: Allen L Roland
My mother died suddenly and unexpectedly 24 years ago in Connecticut.
She appeared sitting on my bed at that exact moment in
Sonoma, California ~ just as I was
I could feel her deep love for me and she
whispered ~ "Allen, I know ..
Allen, I know "
I fell asleep saying to myself ~ that can't be
Two days later ~ I learned of her death
from my brother and I realized that I
had an after-death experience with
Over 50% of Americans have had such an after-death
experience with a loved one ~ according
My mother had read my Unified Field Theory
at least a month before she died ~
so she must have been telling me that
she now knew what I knew.
The Unified Field is, in essence, a state of
love and soul consciousness that exists
not only beyond time and space
but ALSO beneath our deepest fears.
What an incredible act of love from my
mother ~ obviously from beyond death and
in a joyful state of soul consciousness.
When I went back to Boston for my mothers
funeral ~ I decided to share the loving
and joyful moments I experienced with my
mother during the Eulogy,
I remember lying outside my mothers door before
I could walk and wondering why my mother
was crying inside ~ and wanting somehow to
I remember sitting on my mothers lap for a picture
with my twin brother, at four years old, and realizing how extraordinarily beautiful my mother was ~ she looked like Greta Garbo.
I remember the last time my mother spanked me
with a hairbrush when I was probably seven or
eight years old ~ the hairbrush broke in half
and we both burst into a spontaneous laughter
that literally brought us to our knees.
I remember her playing the piano with myself
standing behind her ~ my hands on her shoulders
while I sang the words of the old standards she
loved to play.
Songs like That Old Black Magic , As time goes by and
Those two songs are linked to my CD which is under BOOK & CD AUDIO on my website www.allenroland.com plus another appropriate vocal by myself which is backed up by Scott Deturk and Mel Martin You are My Mother, Earth
Those were magic moments and, in some ways, we bonded through the music we played and sang together.
About ten years before she died she shared with me a reoccurring dream from childhood ~ which still haunted her. The dream was a young golden haired little girl running free in a meadow and laughing in total delight. I told her that the little girl was herself and the dream represented her deep desire to reconnect with that same childhood state of love, joy, delight and soul consciousness.
She said that it was too late for her ~ but the sad reality was that she was getting far too many secondary benefits for being a victim and martyr. In essence, she was afraid of the joy and delight deepest within herself and her deep unworthiness kept her from claiming it.
So, obviously my most precious memory of my mother was when she came to me after she died ~ for it was only then that the shackles of her victimhood had finally been released ~ it was only then that I could truly experience her profound love for me ~ as well as her joyous need to share with me her new awareness of this state of love, joy and soul consciousness deepest within herself .
Finally she was once again that blond haired little girl she longed to be, laughing and running free in that meadow " Allen, I know, Allen, I know .. "
Allen L Roland
Freelance Alternative Press Online columnist and psychotherapist Allen L Roland is available for comments, interviews, speaking engagements and private consultations ( firstname.lastname@example.org )
Allen L Roland is a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his weblog and website allenroland.com He also guest hosts a monthly national radio show TRUTHTALK on www.conscioustalk.net