Saturday, March 16, 2013


Since I'm approaching 80 and probably living on borrowed time, it’s time to write my Living Will ~ inspired of course by the irrepressible Paul Rudnick of the New Yorker: Allen L Roland

Those of you who have not read the New Yorker's Paul Rudnick's My Living Will written on April 25th, 2005 should check it out for it's the hilarious inspiration for My Living Will.


1. If I should remain in a persistent vegetative state for more than 30 days, I would like someone to pay my rent.

2. If I do not respond to pinches, pinpricks, rubber mallets, electric shock or other medical stimuli, please don't take it personally.

3. If my death is particularly dramatic and worthy of a movie ~  I would like to be played by Javier Bardem. 

4. If my doctor pronounces me brain-dead, I would like to see the new Adam Sandler movie.

5. If there is a family dispute over my medical condition, it must be settled with a boxing match.

6. I do not wish to be kept alive by any machine that has a 5,10 or 20 dollar change setting.

7. In lieu of flowers or donations, I would prefer a fireworks show.

8. Assume that, even in a coma, I can still hear discussions about my life, my loves and my struggles.

9. If I remain motionless for an extended period and utter only guttural, meaningless sounds, I would like it set to music and submitted for an Emmy.

10. At my memorial service, I would like my clergyman to begin his eulogy with the words “I suppose, in a way, we all misunderstood him.”

It's very healthy to laugh at death particularly because it's inevitable and it's really just another chapter here on earth which may or may not have a sequel ~ dependent on whether we denied or surrendered to love.

Allen L Roland

Freelance Alternative Press Online columnist and psychotherapist Allen L Roland is available for comments, interviews, speaking engagements and private Skype consultations ( )

Allen L Roland is a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his web log and website He also guest hosts a monthly national radio show TRUTHTALK on


  1. Great article. I am interested in doing some research on wills in Mississauga.

  2. I love your sense of humor! Hope to be able to keep on laughing when it come time to write my own. My dad just wrote his will in Mississauga last month.