MY LIVING WILL AND LIVING NARRATIVE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Allen L Roland with still much to do at 82 years old.

 

As I draw closer to 82 years old, I realize I'm living on borrowed time and since I've already published my Living Will ~ I think I'm ready to publish my living Narrative complete with my many triumphs and failures but still in the same spirit of good humor and gratitude. I wouldn't have missed this lifetime for anything ~ for I most definitely surrendered to love and found my part in a loving plan: Allen L Roland, PhD

 

“We are travelers on a cosmic journey, stardust, swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. Life is eternal. We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share. This is a precious moment. It is a little parenthesis in eternity.” – Paulo Coelho

 

MY LIVING WILL / ALLEN L ROLAND

1. If I should remain in a persistent vegetative state for more than 30 days, I would like someone to pay my rent.

2. If I do not respond to pinches, pinpricks, rubber mallets, electric shock or other medical stimuli, please don’t take it personally.

3. If my death is particularly dramatic and worthy of a movie ~  I would like to be played by Harrison Ford.

4. If my doctor pronounces me brain-dead, I would like to see the latest Adam Sandler movie.

5. If there is a family dispute over my medical condition, it must be settled with a boxing match.

6. I do not wish to be kept alive by any machine that has a 5,10 or 20 dollar change setting.

7. In lieu of flowers or donations, I would prefer a fireworks show.

8. Assume that, even in a coma, I can still hear discussions about my life, my loves and my struggles.

9. If I remain motionless for an extended period and utter only guttural, meaningless sounds, I would like it set to music and submitted for an Emmy.

10. At my memorial service, I would like my clergyman to begin his eulogy with the words “I suppose, in a way, we all misunderstood Allen.”

 

See VT column ~  http://www.veteranstoday.com/2015/05/09/my-living-will-update/

 

Now it's time for my Living Narrative and my epitaph should be this appropriate credo from Jack London ~ a childhood hero, writer and inspiration for me.

"I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The proper function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.” Jack London

 

MY LIVING NARRATIVE / ALLEN L ROLAND

 

It was Teilhard de Chardin who wrote that "we are not human beings having a spiritual experience but instead spiritual beings having a human experience" and my living Narrative, since I'm still very much alive, is correctly written from a first person perspective.

William Blake wrote "We are put on space a little space to bear the beams of love" and Blake died singing songs to his wife ~ but in my lifetime narrative, it appears I not only bared the beams of love but demonstrated that it was not only deepest within each one of us but was a joyful state of soul consciousness that existed beyond time and space.

 

First of all, let me be clear that I wanted to be born regardless if I was wanted or not ~ I'm a twin and was blessed with an inseparable companion for those nine prenatal months ~ I was born two minutes ahead of my beloved twin and I was there for him spiritually 80 years later when he died two years ago. Bobby lives in my heart and is now my guardian angel. See my Eulogy in 2014 ~ http://www.veteranstoday.com/2014/08/18/in-memory-of-my-twin-brother-bobby/ 

 

There is also little doubt that I surrendered during the birth trauma which I relived many years later as a carrier based fighter pilot in 1960 ~ the longest split second I have ever experienced. See The Final Option ~ as well as  a link to my work and how I guide people through their deepest fears. http://www.veteranstoday.com/2014/05/11/the-final-option/

 

My early childhood years were intertwined with my twin brother and we were indeed the adventurous Hardy brothers which I reminded him of when he was suffering from Parkinson's disease at a rest home close to our original home in Nahant, Massachusetts in 2012. See Love Note to my Twin  ~ http://www.veteranstoday.com/2012/11/16/love-note-to-my-twin/

 

But there is one early childhood experience at four years old, while living with my beloved grandfather in Newtonville, Massachusetts with my mother and brothers, where I profoundly experienced that deepest within myself was a love and joy that indelibly connected me to everything around me as well as all of nature ~ it was my first conscious awareness of a  Unified Field of love and soul consciousness that exists beyond time and space.

 

One day while playing alone in my room I heard my favorite song on the radio ~ it was Gene Autrey's "I'm Back in the Saddle Again". My inner joy was too great to contain and I felt an incredible urge to share it ~ so I turned the radio up full volume, stood on my tiptoes, opened the window and leaned out into the gorgeous New England summer day.

 

Immediately, an overwhelming sense of delight seemed to lift me out of myself ~ an utterly amazing feeling of knowing and awareness rose from deep within me, a feeling of incredible joy and oneness with all things around me ~ and I totally surrendered to it.

 

For a few ecstatic moments, I sensed, knew, that I was not alone. This awesome joy lifted me out of myself and was somehow connected to all and everything ~ and I was part of it.

 

At four years old, I knew ~ for a few moments ~ that I was a beloved and essential part of a loving universe ~ I was in the Unified Field.

 

Two years later, when I was suddenly taken away from my grandfather, my heart closed and I checked out. Emotionally, I stopped growing and for the next 30 years that transcendent moment of soul consciousness remained buried beneath a well of grief, a mantle of psychic pain, aloneness and despair ~ it hurt too deeply to feel anything deeply. But in the midst of that initial pain, I had a vision of the Golden Gate bridge, water and houses ~ a moment in time precognitive vision that I would eventually walk into 40 years later.

So my whole lifetime narrative became an unconscious Quest to find that little boy and empower him to feel that deeply again and own and share his joyful truth.

 

In essence, my lifetime Quest to find myself has been a process of learning to surrender to what was already deepest within myself and then finding the courage to fully share what I truly felt and knew ~ and then empower countless others with this truth.

 

After High School and College, and my five years of active duty as a Naval aviator, my twin brother and I drifted apart and I began my quest in California to find love, myself and my authentic vocation. After three marriages, four children and much joy and heartache, I finally surrendered to my repressed pain, found that joyful little boy and walked into that precognitive dream I had at six years old of the Golden Gate Bridge ~ and realized I was living that vision and had proven my Unified Field ~ for my precognitive vision at six had gone backward in time and obviously existed beyond time and space.

 

More importantly, I surrendered to my original intention and purpose ~ which was to not only prove my Unified Field of love and soul consciousness but demonstrate it in my work which I have done for the past 40 years.

 

The basic underlying and uniting force of the universe is a psychic energy force of love and soul consciousness (the Unified Field) which lies not only beyond time and space but also our deepest fears and whose principle property is the universal urge to unite: Allen L Roland, PhD

 

Once I realized that the love I was looking for was deepest within myself I obtained my MA in Clinical Psychology from Sonoma State University and began my authentic vocation ~ demonstrating through my heart centered work that people could be empowered to heal themselves in seven sessions if they opened their hearts through gratefulness and forgiveness.

 

In 1998, I obtained my PhD in Spiritual Psychology from Greenwich University and my award winning dissertation on the Unified Field eventually became my book Radical Therapy, Surrender to Love and Heal Yourself in Seven Sessions (not Seven Years).  Radical meaning heart/soul centered Healing.

 

That book is now on Kindle along with my 12 truths ~ See Kindle and 12 Truths announcement on VT ~ http://www.veteranstoday.com/2014/04/05/the-12-truths-of-rolands-unified-field-now-on-kindle/

 

All my clients have access to these self-healing steps in my updated Kindle Book RADICAL THERAPY, SURRENDER TO LOVE AND HEAL YOURSELF IN SEVEN  SESSIONS (not seven years). Here is the Kindle link http://www.amazon.com/Radical-Therapy-Surrender-Yourself-Sessions-ebook/dp/B00JGE5VQE

 

Most people are not aware that you do NOT need a Kindle to read an Amazon eBook. You can download a free program from Amazon called Kindle for PC, and read it on your computer. Link below:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/digital/fiona/kcp-landing-page?ie=UTF8&ref_=kcp_pc_mkt_lnd

 

And here's a link to the YouTube Skype sessions of the self-healing process I teach and coach ~ Watch, in the first 20 minutes of session five, how Marina conquers her deepest fear by going through them as she demonstrates that beneath her pain and fear is boundless joy. See video  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r12MoNnwPKg&feature=youtu.be

 

My book and work is a passionate call to heal your heart by surrendering to love. Initially by sharing gratitude with the many people in your life who have not been thanked for being a gift ~ and then all others as you open your heart and begin to not only see through different eyes but also slowly reconnect with your original joy, intention and purpose.

 

My life has been a life of service and my greatest joy and sense of belonging is the inner knowledge that I am a living part of a loving plan in action (God) and in sync with my destiny and I am blessed to have my beloved partner, companion and healer Keiko by my side in my golden years.

 

I dreamed about Keiko before I met her and distinctly remember telling my children that we would be living together within a year ~ and we hadn't even met at that time. (The soul contains the event that shall befall it and always provides what we need on our life's journey)

 

The proving ground of my transformational life's work has been my empowering work for the past 5 years with combat veterans with PTSD, who have been taught to kill but have been re-programed to love through gratefulness and forgiveness during this important soul retrieval work.

 

In reviewing my life, I have answered an important question I posed long ago when I started my practice ~Why are most people afraid of their deepest Joy?

 

The answer is because their psychic pain, quite often experienced at birth or early childhood, has over ridden their original joyful memories and they are afraid of or mistrust their deepest joy and are living their life and still making life decisions based on ego based fear.

 

In the third tenet of my PhD dissertation, The Unified Field, I describe the process by which psychic pain (the seeming separation from love) can over-ride joy and how most people are afraid of or mistrust their deepest joy ~ It would appear that the pain of not feeling loved for oneself and being seemingly separated from our original state of soul consciousness and the Unified Field is of such deep psychic proportions that, early in childhood, processes are triggered in the hypothalamus which result in a left brain imbalance and dominance as well as the denial, mistrust and forgetting of our connection to the Unified Field and the love and joy and a state of soul consciousness deepest within us. It is from this dark tunnel of pain, aloneness, despair and apparent death that the ego and ego consciousness is born - for survival and protection purposes only.

 

In my role as a heart centered consultant with over 40 years' experience of soul retrieval especially with veterans with PTSD, I retrieve buried souls and empower them through love and gratefulness to not only open their hearts but to also find their unique place in a universal loving plan from a place of celebration and service. They soon begin to realize that everything they have ever wanted is on the other side of fear.

Here are the eight stages of ego transcendence I demonstrate and teach. Remember that the ego is a projection of what we feel we have to be versus being our true authentic self ~ and it is always born out of deep pain and aloneness.

 

1. Denial    Everything is fine, there is nothing missing in my life ~ I'm in full control of everything

2. Anger    I can't stay in control and manipulate things any more ~ it's not working, it's making me angry.   

3. Bargaining   I'll hang on to something so I won't get out of control and have to deal with the unknown and all those scary feelings deep inside me that I have been continually avoiding.

 

4. Depression  Why am I feeling so sad, and it feels so deep. If only I could get out of this pit of despair.

 

5. Acceptance / Connection   I'm feeling deep sadness and it's the same feelings I felt as a child ~ I can't deny these feelings any longer.

 

6. Surrender  I'm letting go and trusting that there is joy beneath my sadness ~ what is this excitement I'm feeling beneath this well of grief and it has nothing to do with someone else.

 

7. Celebration  I'm truly feeling the joy of being myself and the growing awareness that there is something I'm supposed to be doing ~ I'm beginning to trust the unknown and see through different eyes.

 

8.  Service  I'm fully trusting myself, I'm listening and I'm responding to this inner call ~ I want to be in service from this inner place of authentic love, joy and delight.

 

Make no mistake about it, the keys to the magic kingdom of the soul are gratefulness and forgiveness ~ and eventually gratefulness and forgiveness ends with our self.

 

Dr Stanley Krippner describes this soul retrieval process in the foreword of my book ~ "No psychiatric manual lists "soul loss" as a condition in need of treatment but shamans tell me that "soul loss" is widespread in contemporary society. Allen Roland has had the insight to understand what the shamans have told me. He also has developed the skills to help his clients regain their souls"

Nowhere is "soul loss" more apparent than with veterans who have been taught to kill or witnessed or participated in unjustified mass human carnage.

Band of Brothers #18 was my last hurrah as a volunteer consultant with the Concord Vet Center but I left with an immense sense of satisfaction regarding this unique heart centered approach to self-healing. This empowering program has not only succeeded ~ with well over 100 active veteran graduates who have positively changed through gratefulness and self-forgiveness ~ but more importantly, their hearts have been opened and they have experienced another choice of behavior while their PTSD symptoms have greatly diminished.

It remains to be seen if the VA will integrate this self-healing approach into their clinical approach but it is obvious that no amount of psychiatric drugs can ease the painful psychic pain carried by many of our returning veterans with PTSD ~ as witnessed by the rising veteran suicide rate.

Gen. Peter Chiarelli, the Army’s No. 2 officer, who has long been an advocate for soldiers suffering from the invisible wounds of war (such as PTSD and TBI) ~ also advocates the need for other alternative approaches ~ ” I want to understand what drugs we should use to treat these symptoms, if we should use any drugs at all. I want to look into alternative pain management. We are finding there are other ways to handle pain that are more effective and allow a person to feel a lot better than throwing a bagful of drugs at them.”  See http://www.veteranstoday.com/2013/05/23/unsaid-issue-behind-veterans-rising-suicide-rate-is-shame-based-guilt/

As a former active duty Naval aviator and carrier pilot who served seven years in the Navy, the last two as a weekend warrior ~ I can honestly relate to veterans and consider it an honor to have touched many of their hearts in my work as a heart centered consultant.

They have all, including myself, faced their deepest fears and been in service to their country. Many have been to the dark side and long for another choice and I am proud to have facilitated that process in my ongoing heart centered consultations. That work was an integral part of my life's journey for I was in service to something far greater than myself and always from a place of my original joy and soul consciousness, the Unified Field .

 

Make no mistake about this, I have not won a popularity contest in surrendering to my destiny in my soul retrieval work particularly with the VA who still have not acknowledged the need for this alternative heart centered counseling with veterans and continue to rely on their symptom based clinical approach to veteran rehabilitation. Most of my children and family do not understand my quest ~ but regardless, I have taken pains to keep them up to date on my progress and perhaps been an inspiration for them to go within and believe in themselves.

Last year I wrote on my Birthday that I was Having fun at 81 but this year it's There's still much to do at 82 ~ There can be no greater feeling of satisfaction, as a heart centered advisor and consultant, than guiding and empowering someone through their deepest fears and pain to the euphoric joy beneath their pain as well as embracing and giving a voice to the innocent and fearless child within themselves.

Every step and relationship in my life has prepared me for this soul centered work particularly with combat veterans with PTSD. At age 82, I feel completely in sync with my destiny, I’m most definitely in service from a place of joy, gratefulness and celebration and I’m still making a difference. Being able to clearly see through my heart has more than prepared me for this important soul based work.

 

“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the human eye.”
~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

 

Allen L Roland, PhD

http://allenlrolandsweblog.blogspot.com/2015/12/my-living-will-and-living-narrative.html

Heart centered spiritual consultant and advisor Allen L Roland can be contacted at  allen@allenroland.com Allen is also a lecturer and writer who shares a weekly political and social commentary on his web log and website allenroland.com. He is also featured columnist on Veterans Today and  guest hosts a monthly national radio show TRUTHTALK on www.conscioustalk.net