Relationship
is a means to an end versus an end in itself. The
true purpose of relationship is the full flowering of each partner but
only those who conquer their fears by learning to consciously love can reach
the ultimate seventh stage of relationship: Allen L Roland
Most people are
afraid of love because they are afraid of their deepest joy, delight and inner
freedom and are, in essence, trapped by their fear of deep vulnerability and intimacy.
2013 will be a worldwide year of transition and no where
will that be felt deeper than with individual love relationships.
In relationship, we must reach a place where being honest and being true to yourself is more important than the survival of the relationship! Let me illustrate this using Stendhal's and Roland's seven stages of a love relationship ~ In relationship, Love must evolve from emotional to conscious unconditional love and that transition doesn't happen painlessly.
1. ADMIRATION
" I really admire you as a person "
2. BEGINNING OF
DESIRE “I think I'd like to get to know you better."
3. HOPE "
I hope you feel the same way about me "
4. INCEPTION OF
LOVE " I think I'm falling in love with you "
5. FIRST
CRYSTALLIZATION " I see the beauty and perfection within you
"
6. DOUBT, FEAR AND/OR JEALOUSY, ANGER
AND RESENTMENT " You're going to hurt me or betray me like
others have "
This
is where Stendhal ended his six stages of love for this is the stage where
most, if not all, emotional relationships end with mutual anger, resentment
or fear submerging all traces of the original love. What we do
not realize in this stage is that these feelings are often associated with
earlier childhood or relationship hurts we felt with loved ones and we are face
to face with the decisions we made at that time to repress and deny our deepest
feelings ~ because there was seemingly no-one there for us. We can either
run, as most people do, or go inside and go through these fears by not
denying the love, taking accountability for these feelings and stop being a
victim! You cannot escape stage six until you are willing to go inside,
take total accountability for your actions and feelings and stop denying
love. This takes great courage but the payoff is immense! Resentment
doesn't heal! Anger doesn't heal! Only love truly heals!
7. ROLAND'S SECOND
CRYSTALLIZATION " I feel the beauty and perfection within
myself and I'm sharing it with you and
the world "
This
Stage cannot be accomplished unless we realize that
our ultimate quest in life is to fully experience our authentic self and our
connection to our original state of soul consciousness and an innate connection
with source.
IT’S
A PLACE OF INNER VERSUS OUTER VALIDATION !
"Until
I let go I cannot grow ", "Great love can both take hold
and let go." When we let go in relationship, you do not
let go of the love. To let go with love you must, in essence, consciously
love your partner and yourself. Your self respect will be your guide. You must reach the place where you can say that it’s
more important that I love myself than you loving me.
Conscious
love (non-possessive, non-dependent and unconditional love) is rarely obtained
between humans. The conscious love motive, in its most developed state, is
the wish that the object should arrive at its own innate perfection ~
regardless of the consequences to the lover or partner. It is
total unconditional love and when we come from this place we are embracing our
deepest spiritual essence and are also accessing a state of soul
consciousness within ourselves ( the Unified Field ).
The
paradox of this attitude is that such love always invokes eventually a similar
attitude in its objects because we all seek, at the deepest level, to be
unconditionally loved. As such, when we allow love to be our guiding
intention through our thoughts and feelings and learn to consciously unconditional
love ~ we eventually begin to see through clearer eyes and all things come
into perfect balance and harmony.
Jesus consciously unconditionally loved and the reason we have
never forgotten him is because that same capacity to consciously love and be
loved lies deepest within each one of us ~ but many of us continue to look
outside and externalize it versus going inside and internalized it as I most certainly do
with my clients as a heart centered counselor and coach as well as my primary relationship.
The
path to the soul is always through doors of fear and most of those fears appear
in relationship. You don't realize those fears are illusions until you stop
denying love and go through them. Only then can you truly claim the greatest
gift ~ yourself.
Only then can you
become a fragment of life's heart and transcend time and space in the process ~
for the hearts' desire is to love so deeply that we become one with a Unified
Field of love and soul consciousness as well as claim our part in an evolving loving plan and
always from a place of inner celebration and delight.
Each relationship is a step in that process of eventually returning to
source and only by fully opening your heart and
learning to consciously unconditionally love can you begin or accelerate
that journey to truly find yourself.
The ultimate relationship, as such, is a spiritual
relationship where both partners are on a common path, one through the other, to
find and celebrate who they really are ~ using the love that exists between
them as the vehicle.
We
shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to
arrive where we started... and know the place for the first time: T.S.Eliot
Allen L Roland
Freelance Alternative
Press Online columnist and psychotherapist Allen L
Roland is available for comments, interviews, speaking engagements and private
consultations ( allen@allenroland.com )
Allen L Roland is a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who
also shares a daily political and social commentary on his web log and website allenroland.com
He also guest hosts a monthly national radio show TRUTHTALK on www.conscioustalk.net
