My
twin brother Bobby died on August 17th, 2013 but he still
lives
in my heart.
I felt a deep sense of sadness this last week before I realized
that I was approaching the one year anniversary of his passing.
I
still feel his presence in my soul because he is now one of the many angels
watching over me.
Those
who we love deeply become part of us forever and Bobby
will
always be a part of me.
Being
a twin is an exhilarating experience for I have been twice blessed ~ One
for having a traveling companion on my 9 month journey to this planet,
especially since we were not wanted ~ and secondly for spending much
of my early childhood playing with my inseparable friend and companion
while sharing so many delights together.
I
remember many of them but two distinctly stand out ~
We were both about 12 years old and since there was no Little
League at that time, my mother sent us to a golf caddy camp in southern
Massachusetts for the summer. It was in shambles and a god forsaken spot. We
both hated it and felt like we were in a slave camp caddying every day
for the Golf club members and existing on tips, terrible food and horrible
living conditions.
I reluctantly adjusted to the dull routine but Bobby got sick and
soon I realized that he was not getting better.
We were in separate cabins, or tents, and I still vividly remember
going to his tent one day looking for him. I found him huddled in a low corner
bunk, shivering in a cold sweat, looking feverish and almost
dead.
There was no camp doctor or nurse and I realized in panic that he
was going to die unless I did something ~ I was deeply concerned so I hiked into town,
convinced someone to use their phone and called my mother. I literally screamed at
her to come and get us or Bobby was going to die.
She did and Bobby survived double pneumonia and we returned home
to Nahant, Massachusetts.
A few years later we were sent to Mount Hermon Prep school in
Western Massachusetts.
The school placed us in two separate campus dwellings although we
sought each other out every day and played sports and hung out together. I
vividly remember early in our stay at Mount Hermon waking up
one night and missing his presence. So I climbed out the
window, stole across the campus to his lodging, climbed up the wall to his
window, opened his window and crawled into bed with him.
That last memory is probably the best description of the indescribable
loving connection
that many Twins
enjoy.
Most people can barely comprehend or understand what Bobby
and I experienced not only in the womb but also through most of our early
childhood ~ before it tragically ended when he was forced to get
married at 16 years old and became a reluctant father while I graduated from
college, joined the Navy, moved to the West Coast as
a Naval Aviator and never returned to the East Coast.
But
the deep soul connection never really ended ~ for I was there for him in spirit
during the last year of
his life before he died from advanced Parkinson's Disease in August, 2013.
My dearest twin,
As you look out your
window at the old Thompson Club, you may not remember the glorious summer days
we spent as children playing baseball, football and even tennis together
but I will help you ~ for I remember virtually everything about our closeness
and the fun we had together as twins, before events forced us to go on separate
paths in our late teens.
It was so special to
wake up every morning with my best friend and playmate ~ we were the Hardy
Boys, my favorite book series, embarking on new daily adventures and using the
whole peninsula as our playground. The Thompson club was our sports arena and
depending on the season ~ it became Fenway Park or any sports stadium we
invented in our active and exuberant imaginations.
The barn in our backyard
became the set piece for all the movies we watched and acted out as well as the
radio shows we listened to ~ The Shadow, Jack Armstrong, The green Hornet, the
Adventures of Sam Spade , the Lone Ranger and of course, the Inner Sanctum and
Lights Out.
Once again, in many
ways, we WERE the Hardy Boys ~ "The Hardy Boys are constantly involved in
adventure and action. Despite frequent danger, the boys never lose their
nerve ..." They
are hardy boys, luckier and more clever than anyone around them." They
live in an atmosphere of mystery and intrigue: "Never were so many
assorted felonies committed in a simple American small town. Murder, drug
peddling, race horse kidnapping, diamond smuggling, medical malpractice,
big-time auto theft, even (in the 1940s) the hijacking of strategic materials
and espionage, all were conducted with Nahant (Bayport) as a nucleus."
With so much in common, the boys are so little differentiated that one commentator
facetiously describes them thus: "The boys' characters basically broke
down this way ~ Frank (Allen) was the thinker while Joe ( Bobby )
was more impulsive, and perhaps a little more athletic." The
two boys are infallibly on good terms with each other and never engage in
sibling rivalry." Wikipedia / Hardy Boys
Those were fun childhood
times in Nahant and I vividly remember the hurricanes that swept over that
Peninsula as we watched from our top floor bedroom perch on 287 Nahant Road ~
two houses down from the Jesmond Home where
you now reside.
You were my constant
companion and sharer of joy and we were
indelibly connected together through our shared nine month journey to this
planet and obvious deep loving twin connection.
The twin connection
defies description, Bobby ~
it's a loving connection that goes beyond time and space ~ it's a deep knowing
soul connection that was cemented in the womb as well as our shared birth
experience.
Since I am the first
born twin, two minutes before you, it is my responsibility to prepare you for
the final transition by sharing that God (a
loving plan in action) only
reveals itself to a grateful heart and that alone will prepare you for your
final passage.
My heart is most
definitely grateful that you were my loving twin and companion for so many
years and I will most certainly be with you in your final moments and most
definitely when you pass through the event horizon of physical death.
Right now, you may feel
increasingly alone since it's so difficult to speak and
move ~ but you are being well taken care of and are most certainly loved by
your immediately family as well as brothers and sisters.
But be aware that I am
already holding your hand, as I did as a young enfant, and as you
look out that window at the Thompson Club you will see me beckoning to you,
with a baseball bat on my shoulder, telling you to hurry up before the summer
rain squall starts and you will smile knowingly and be grateful, as I am, that
you are indeed blessed to be a twin.
With my deepest love and
joy
Allen
Bobby died on August 17th, 2013 but not
before reaching out to his beloved daughter Vanessa, who took his hand and
reminded him that he was not alone ~
that myself and his beloved
grandfather were also holding his hand
through her and ready to welcome him home.
Those
who we love deeply become part of us forever and Bobby still lives in many
hearts including mine. But especially mine because I feel the same deep
loving connection with my life partner,
Keiko ~ for we both feel we were twins in another lifetime and deeply love and support each other in this lifetime.
“For
some people, “the point of no return” begins at the very moment their souls
become aware of each others’ existence.”
~ C.
JoyBell C.
Allen
L Roland
http://allenlrolandsweblog.blogspot.com/2014/08/in-memory-of-my-twin-brother-bobby.html
Freelance
Alternative Press Online columnist and heart centered
spiritual counselor Allen L Roland is available for comments, interviews,
speaking engagements and private Skype
consultations at allen@allenroland.com